Under the shadows of the Himalayas…
Sometimes I do wonder why certain things in Life don’t happen the way I wanted them to. Things you wanted to do so badly…people you wish care about you as much you do about them…places you really wanted to visit, but you don’t seem to get any chance to go…
But there are other things in Life that DO happen, most of the times in between those that don’t. For me, on this trip, when I was truly sure I wanted to visit the Everest Base Camp but had to happily accept the fact that I am not fit enough to brace the extremes, I know I have to be at peace with myself…and with He who created me.
Tonight, at 3:30 in the morning when the temperature drops at -11 degrees Celcius and I have to sleep in the restaurant of the lodge because the room was too cold, I am trying to understand what is the meaning of me being here, at this time, in this place…
I know it is never about me, or my trekking buddies…sometimes it is never about trekking at all. Many times when my feet hit the dirt road, I prayed to God, “Please give me sunshine, Oh God” or “Please, not too cold, Lord, I cannot stand this,” but yet my prayers didn’t seem to be answered. The sun didn’t shine all day that day, and the temperature dropped so low on the trail that it took me 8 hours to trek what was supposed to be a 6-hours journey.
Then, yesterday, I decided to stop asking God about what I want. He knows what I want. He knows I wanted to reach Everest Base Camp so badly. He knows that because I had dreamt about it since I was a little girl…even before I hiked my first mountain. As a small girl, dad used to buy me National Geographic or the Outdoors whenever he went abroad, and I knew I wanted to be here one day. God knows how much this trip means to me.
But I am not going to ask from Him anything more than what He has given me. I am going to be at peace with whatever comes my way, and I am going to make the best of my blessings. For I AM blessed! I truly am. Just to be here in right at the heart of the Himalayas, where many great souls had walked and probably perished, I feel truly humbled.
This place is truly something. I, who supposedly the woman of words, do not even have words to describe it. It is one of those things one cannot talk about, you know… You just have to be here yourself to understand.
This place is who you are. You will experience it differently than everybody else, and that is the true beauty of it. This place is YOU.
I can talk about the peaceful small villages we pass by, where beautifully crafted stone houses, lodges and small shops seem to pop out from the earth like mushrooms…
I can talk about the smiling people who greet us with so much kindness with hot lemon or hot black tea because they seem to know how it feels to be in the middle of a long trek away from home…
Or I can talk about the turquoise blue river that flows between the majestic hills… The countless, super high hanging bridges – big and small – we have to cross to get to “the other side”, wherever that was. Then there are endless steps upward and upward and upward…it literally seems like we are climbing “the stairway to Heaven.”
Out here, what used to be “little things” become important things; like warm boiled water in my rather upset stomach. What used to be “mundane” becomes life-saving; like something dry to wear when temperature drops to sub zero. What used to be “abundant” becomes special, like a cup of hot Illy coffee and a brownie with melted hot chocolate on top. And what I had taken for granted becomes extraordinary, like my health and my two feet that have literally taken me to some pretty awesome places for the past 40 years.
So, tonight, bundled up like a cocoon on the floor of a restaurant somewhere under the shadows of the Himalayas, I feel grateful beyond belief. And I just want to be silent.
I want to stop demanding things for myself…I want to stop asking God for what I want…for I am more than enough. He has created me more than enough. More than able. More blessed than I can possibly imagine myself to be. He made me beautiful in His eyes, and He continues to help me become a better human being.
And, in the grand scheme of this complicated, noisy, full-of-heartbreaks-and-disappoitments Life, I have found my Refuge. I have found my peace. That is enough for me.
Thank you, 2015.
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